Beardyman has no interest in utopian visions of studio foreverdom. No, the vocalist, beatboxer and comedian is prepping a creative outpost that can withstand the coming nuclear apocalypse. Expect musical interludes.
Chris Barker:
I'm Chris Barker.
Will Betts:
And I'm Will Betts.
Chris Barker:
Welcome to the MusicTech, My Forever Studio podcast.
Will Betts:
In this podcast, we talk to artists, DJs, engineers, composers, producers and industry figureheads about their dream studio. But there are rules in this fantasy forever studio.
Chris Barker:
Yes, rules. Our guests can choose a computer, a DAW, and an audio interface. Then, only six other pieces of studio kit are allowed. Plus, one other non-gear luxury item.
Will Betts:
So could a guest choose a software bundle as a single item?
Chris Barker:
No. No bundles. No bundles.
Will Betts:
No bundles.
Will Betts:
Today's guest is the incredible multi-talented vocalist, musician, comedian, and beatboxing superstar, Beardyman.
Chris Barker:
Although famous for his incredible vocal skills, Beardyman also incorporates stacks of music technology into his live sets, using loopers, controllers, iPads, custom software and more, to transform his vocals and create entire tracks on the fly.
Will Betts:
I can't wait to get started. So this is MusicTech's, My Forever Studio, with Beardyman.
Chris Barker:
Welcome, Beardyman.
Beardyman:
Hello, how are you?
Chris Barker:
Really good. Thanks so much for coming-
Beardyman:
Very good. Cool, thanks for inviting me.
Chris Barker:
... to build your Forever Studio.
Beardyman:
Yeah. This is exciting. Infinite money and no holds barred, but strict rules-
Chris Barker:
Strict rules.
Beardyman:
... on the inclusion of items.
Will Betts:
You've really distilled it down, there.
Beardyman:
I guess it's, yeah, you're going in through a nuclear bunker to sit out the apocalypse, and you've got plenty of money but only so much space in that bunker.
Chris Barker:
Well-
Will Betts:
Well this is the thing, okay. So we start ... That the first question is the location and vibe. Where would you have it?
Beardyman:
Of the bunker? I'd choose somewhere in Essex, in a field, buried deep down. It's near to London but comfortably outside it, so that you're outside the blast radius.
Chris Barker:
But just to be confirmed, it doesn't have to be a nuclear bunker.
Beardyman:
It has to be a nuclear bunker.
Chris Barker:
Oh, okay. Okay. If that's what you want, that's your Forever Studio.
Beardyman:
I'll happily ... Yeah, I'll disappear into a hole in the ground with the following six items.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Yeah, forever. No air, no light.
Chris Barker:
Seriously though, I mean, where do you make music ... Like, aside from obviously on the stage, at home, do you like natural light? Do you want to be in a bunker?
Beardyman:
Yeah, no. In actual fact, yeah, I like natural light because I think you go mad without it. And actually, that comes at a premium if you're choosing a studio. I was actually looking for a studio a while back, and in London it's unbelievable expensive to find a studio space. So one of the places I was looking at, most of the units were band rehearsal rooms and they weren't really fit for anything else. So I said no to that because it was an absolute dive.
Beardyman:
But if you're just looking for a band space to rehearse in, maybe that's cool. Maybe, if it smells of sick and urine, that's the vibe. Do you know what I mean? But then you only have to spend time in there when you're rehearsing and you're with your mates, and it all smells of armpit and vomit, and you know, but that's fine.
Beardyman:
But if you're spending everyday in there and you're on your own, and it's a studio; you need to have an environment, not a vibe. You need a space.
Chris Barker:
So would you put your dream, Forever Studio, in London? Or would you ... You must have travelled the world, loads, touring, so-
Beardyman:
Maybe, Switzerland.
Chris Barker:
Yeah?
Beardyman:
Yeah. That comes to mind because I was there, like, a couple of weeks ago and... I mean a couple of days ago, whatever. Everyone was really cool there. Everyone is always really nice and accommodating and friendly in Switzerland.
Beardyman:
But they all have machine guns and nuclear bunkers in their houses, because there's a planning law that says that every new house, built, has to have a bunker. And everyone has a machine gun because they've all done military service, and then they give you your machine gun afterwards. So they have these massive amnesties every year, where everyone gives their guns back to the government. But most people just, sort of, keep them.
Chris Barker:
So if you had ... So if you had?
Will Betts:
So, obviously, Switzerland?
Beardyman:
But, yeah, but I wouldn't do it ... Yeah, maybe Switzerland. But-
Chris Barker:
But in a house with natural light, not a bunker?
Beardyman:
Yeah. On some beautiful mountain top outhouse, looking down some gorgeous glacial valley, rather than in a bunker.
Will Betts:
So you've gained it there, because you've managed to get two studios, basically? You've got the house studio and the bunker studio, because of planning.
Beardyman:
So, depending on my mood, if I want to make some really disgusting deep Techno, I'd go down to my bunker. But if I want to make something really beautiful and other-worldly, I'll go and stare at the glacial lakes and be one with Jesus.
Chris Barker:
Well, that already sounds great.
Chris Barker:
So, the other items ... Well, the first items that we talked about there, included is your computer? So, this isn't one of your six. I mean, you use iPads a lot, but you also use laptops.
Beardyman:
Can I-
Chris Barker:
... instant, trying to game the system? I can see from the change of words.
Beardyman:
You can tell I'm trying to game the system, because I started to sound like Boris Johnson, "Could I- could- could I- .... Mr. Speaker?" Can I take an iPad as an item? Because without ... Because every app counts as one of these six items doesn't it?
Chris Barker:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Correct.
Beardyman:
So what use is a fucking iPad, if you haven't got any apps, right?
Chris Barker:
This is the rules.
Beardyman:
Jesus, man!
Chris Barker:
So, computer, what are you going to do? Mac, PC, Laptop, Desktop, iPad?
Beardyman:
Well-
Chris Barker:
This is your free one.
Beardyman:
I mean, do you get free servicing?
Chris Barker:
Yeah. All of the dream studio equipment comes with-
Beardyman:
Do you get Apple Care that actually works?
Chris Barker:
Yes. Yes, yeah, that comes with it, yeah.
Beardyman:
We're living in hypothetical there, at this point? Great, yes, Mac. Fine.
Chris Barker:
Okay. And what about a DAW? Are you going to have a DAW? Or we could give you another piece of software if you've got one?
Beardyman:
Ableton all the way. I was a Logic Pro guy for a long time. I felt that it was good. And then, I started to realise that it was not good because it keeps breaking. I mean, all things break, that's the universe. But Logic, especially, seems to be one of these things that's been, sort of, abandoned by Apple a little bit. Like, they have their sort of Pro user community, with their things that break, that are too expensive.
Beardyman:
So I'm really angry with Apple, because I literally just, like, I've got four days to go till my tour starts ... or I did anyway, three days' ago, when my laptop just went (breaking down noise). Fun! But no-
Chris Barker:
So why do you not use Ableton?
Beardyman:
But yeah, but Logic I have found to be ... it's very detailed, and you can craft sounds with it, and you can track vocals very well, you can do comps with it. Ableton is not good at that; at least, it doesn't have a built-in mechanism for doing track comping; it doesn't have built-in pitch correction. But I don't think that is important because, actually, you can work with vocals pretty well with Ableton if you do a kind of hack, where you sort of swap bits out. Which, actually, I prefer in a way, because you can still do pitch correction in Ableton but it's a bit more squirrelly, or you can just use Melodyne once you've got the takes you want.
Beardyman:
So, yeah, this year I sort of graduated over, from ... I say graduated, yeah, whatever. I stopped using Logic, because Ableton can do things that nothing else can. So, there's Bitwig, which I've never used, but apparently it's modelled on ... it was made by the same guys I think. It was, like, three guys that left Ableton to make Bigwig. Yeah, nothing else apart from Ableton and Bitwig can do that. Although they are starting to ... the other doors are starting to get those capabilities, because they're realising that, having that grid is ... Keybase, I think, has that now. Like, you can do dynamic song arrangement.
Chris Barker:
Yes.
Beardyman:
Yeah. Which is similar to Ableton.
Chris Barker:
Yeah. It's a bit strange because it's like your playback bar, jumps into the timeline, depending on where-
Beardyman:
Yeah. But that's supercool. And actually, Ableton doesn't do that; you have to do it manually.
Chris Barker:
In Clip View? Yeah.
Beardyman:
Well, no, you can do it ... You can sort of just jump, you know, quantized by whatever you set it to, along the timeline.
Chris Barker:
Oh, okay. Yeah. Yep.
Beardyman:
Yeah. We can get this nerdy on this podcast?
Chris Barker:
Yeah. Yeah.
Will Betts:
Oh, absolutely.
Chris Barker:
This is exactly what we want. Yeah.
Beardyman:
We could go deeper?
Chris Barker:
So, we've got-
Beardyman:
But ... No!
Chris Barker:
No, no-
Beardyman:
Pushing on?
Chris Barker:
We've got Mac and Ableton?
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
And then, the other free item you get is an audio interface. So, a dream studio audio interface would be ...?
Beardyman:
Oh, hang about. So, wait, if I have Ableton, according to the rules of this game, can I only use the native Ableton plugins?
Chris Barker:
Yes.
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
I can't have any third party ones?
Chris Barker:
No. Well, you can-
Beardyman:
It'll be one of those six?
Chris Barker:
... you can have them, but it'll be one of your six choices.
Beardyman:
Ah! Then, I know.
Chris Barker:
The system is getting manipulated!
Beardyman:
So, okay, hang on. But will I get a door thrown in?
Chris Barker:
Yeah, the door is free.
Beardyman:
Well, if I get Macs for Live, then that's infinite wishes. And then I win!
Chris Barker:
Yes!
Will Betts:
You've completed it.
Beardyman:
I've completed the game! Yes, I won! What's my prize? My price is infinite music making, forever, in a bunker, in Switzerland.
Chris Barker:
Yeah, exactly.
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
So-
Beardyman:
So, wait, so I've just used one up?
Chris Barker:
Well, we'll get to the six items when we get to see ... We need an audio interface first. Get your three free items out the way.
Beardyman:
I need to select an audio interface?
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Oh.
Chris Barker:
Or, if you don't care which one you-
Beardyman:
Well, the one I use in the studio, and for live, is RME. Because, as a brand, they are the most reliable; they programme their own drivers. And I've never had one break. The only time I've ever had one break is when one of my tour managers left a USB key in the front and it just physically snapped off. But other than that, I don't think they've ever crapped out on me.
Chris Barker:
So, the flagship-
Beardyman:
They're very reliable.
Chris Barker:
... whatever the flagship, RME devices, that's what you'd go for, for a dream ...?
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
Okay. We'll find out what it is, mind.
Beardyman:
I use their UCX, and I use an UFX.
Chris Barker:
Okay.
Beardyman:
Both of which are, like, three years old, and seven years old, respectively. And I have one that's, like, 12 years old. And none of them have ever broken.
Chris Barker:
It still works, the 12 year old one, as well?
Beardyman:
They're magic.
Chris Barker:
Still ... the drivers?
Beardyman:
The design of them is boring. They're extremely German; very high spec, no nonsense. It just works: awesome.
Chris Barker:
Right, so, first item-
Will Betts:
Well, that must be a big thing for you, as well, having something super, like, latency for what you're doing?
Beardyman:
Yeah. When I tried using Focus 1, and Pre-Sonar stuff, and all that; these kind of sort of prosumer-ish brands, but they cannot do the low latency processing in and out. Because, yeah, I'm trying to get my latency ... Because I'm using software monitoring with my stuff, because I'm processing my voice, live, and so I can't use hardware monitoring. And it's all going through the same Ableton session, so I have to get it down ... I've managed to get down to, like, 64 samples. Which is, you can still perceive the latency when you're beatboxing through it, but it's low enough that you can deal with it.
Beardyman:
Let's say you've laid a loop down-
Chris Barker:
Here we go, just a-
Beardyman:
I have a looper here-
Chris Barker:
Let's just explain the set-up for those that obviously can't see it?
Beardyman:
It's an RC505. Or, maybe, I should include that? No, wait, I'm not going to use up my wishes, like you guys! Right, so hang on. Yeah, I've got an RC505 in front of me, which is a boss looper, it's a loop station, and it does this ... So, if I go ... Right, so that's a loop. Now, if I want to lay a snare over it, it'll be like ... So there's the snare. So I managed to get the snare bang on. But if there's latency, and it's not being compensated for, then, you'll think you're laying it down in time, and it won't be laid over the transient you're trying to get; you'll hear the difference.
Beardyman:
And if there's a realtime latency, then it just becomes impossible to do that. So on my live rig, I have a bit of latency, but I can manually compensate for it in real time, as you would if you were monitoring through speakers. And you sort of naturally compensate.
Chris Barker:
So we've got the RME, we've got the Mac, we've got Ableton. And now we talk about your first of six, other bits of kit.
Beardyman:
Right. So, yeah, so it can't be an iPad?
Chris Barker:
Well, it can be an iPad; you can have that.
Beardyman:
Because I was tempted-
Chris Barker:
But then, that's one of your six.
Beardyman:
I was tempted to go for an iPad and Lemur. I might even put that on, and just sacrifice one of the other things I've got on my list actually.
Will Betts:
Well, iPad and Lemur is two, strictly.
Beardyman:
Oh, is it? Oh, man!
Will Betts:
I will kind of allow that-
Beardyman:
I would happily put those both on.
Chris Barker:
Okay.
Will Betts:
Okay.
Chris Barker:
I'd happily put it on.
Will Betts:
One and two?
Beardyman:
Okay, so that's one and two. God damn it! Fine.
Will Betts:
Why the unhappy-
Beardyman:
How many have I used up now? Because I said Max for Life, which is one.
Will Betts:
Oh hang on, hang on, hang on.
Chris Barker:
We'll go in order.
Beardyman:
I've already used up three. I think technically speaking, Macs for Life is in Ableton suite.
Will Betts:
Yes, it is.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
So that's a gimme.
Chris Barker:
Is that bundle ... bundle?
Beardyman:
No, it's not a bundle. It's not technically a bundle.
Will Betts:
It's not a ... Or, or, or, is it? No, it's not, it's not, it's not a bundle.
Chris Barker:
It's a suite?
Will Betts:
It's their biggest one that they do.
Beardyman:
Yeah, it's not a bundle, it's a suite. Make that important distinction, otherwise this podcast will be very short! Okay. Fine. Fine.
Chris Barker:
Yes.
Beardyman:
Let's move on. Right, next section.
Will Betts:
One and two were iPad and Lemur.
Beardyman:
iPad and Lemur.
Will Betts:
Why?
Chris Barker:
But tell us about that, yeah?
Beardyman:
So, right, an iPad is a slab of glurf ... silicon, made by Apple. It's very versatile. So yeah, there's loads of amazing music apps for iPad now. Like, on BeatMaker 3, you can make a whole album, and you can perform a set with it, as you would with an MPC, but it's even more adaptable. Jesus, you can be a graphic illustrator and have your whole ... your living, just on an iPad.
Chris Barker:
So when did you make that switch, though?
Beardyman:
Aside from the fact that iPad can do loads of amazing audio processing, one thing that it's amazing for, that nobody seems to use it for, is as a controller. So on my live rig, what I have is ... what is it? Four iPad Pros, so it looks a bit like Star Trek. Because I've got this programme on it, called Lemur, which is a kind of legacy piece of abandonware by a company called Liine. It was actually made by-
Will Betts:
JazzMutant wasn't it?
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Will Betts:
JazzMutant. They were French.
Beardyman:
I always thought they were JazzMutant. But yes, sure.
Will Betts:
I believe a-
Beardyman:
Mais oui, c'est JazzMutant!
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Were they French? Were they Canadian? Were they actually French. I have no idea.
Will Betts:
I've only ever heard it called JazzMutant.
Beardyman:
I've never heard anyone say it out loud. I just read it on forums and I bought one. So I bought a JazzMutant Lemur, which was this giant ... It was the first ever commercially available multi-touch device. And it wasn't ... So, you guys are nodding. You knew it, when it came out?
Chris Barker:
Yeah. Yeah, where we reviewed it-
Beardyman:
Oh, you reviewed it? Right, yes.
Will Betts:
Yes.
Chris Barker:
... a long time ago. So yeah, yeah, it was an incredible thing.
Beardyman:
Well, I own one. It's a museum piece now, because it's fucking ... it's a brick. I mean, it would still work if I turned it on, but it's been ... Basically, it came out in, what ... 2004? Something like that?
Chris Barker:
Something like that, yeah.
Beardyman:
And very quickly it was taken up by the likes of Daft Punk, and all kinds of people that were doing mad MD stuff for pop people, because they knew it looked cool. And Deadmau5 was using one, early on.
Beardyman:
But it was popular when there was nothing else that could do that; so there were no other commercially available multi-touch devices. And it seemed very futuristic. It was very expensive. It did what it did. The refresh rate was slow. And though you could build your own interfaces, you have to learn how to script, this kind of like JavaScript thing, just to make it do what it does. Which, is what I've had to learn to do, to programme it. But there's nothing like it.
Chris Barker:
So did you use it live as well, pre-iPad?
Beardyman:
I never managed to work it into a live rig, when I'd bought ... So I had it for two years. Well, I bought it in 2010, I think.
Chris Barker:
Oh, okay.
Beardyman:
And then the next year, the iPad came out, and they went out of business immediately. They just like threw in the towel, and went, "Oh, for fuck's sake!"
Chris Barker:
Oh, yeah.
Beardyman:
But then the software that ran on it, ended up being bought or given to this company, Liine. So they started to support it and update it. But recently I'm not sure what's happened to Liine, but their forum has gone ... It's turned into this kind of like graveyard of ambition, where people are, like, "I rely on this for my live rig. Please don't go out of business." And they just- they haven't done any updates recently, or replied to anyone. So it's a huge shame. They need to be bought, and continue to develop.
Beardyman:
So, basically, with my live rig, I have Ableton running a bunch of stuff. And it's all controlled by these four iPads, which are all covered in an interface of my own design, in Lemur. And I've never seen anything else that can do that. There's TouchOSC, but it's not that deep. Arguably, it's better in some ways because I think it's a bit snappier, and it's just a bit more modern. Like, there's a really slow refresh rate on Lemur, which is like a legacy hangover from when it was a physical hardware device.
Chris Barker:
Yep.
Beardyman:
So you start piling stuff onto this interface, and it slows it down, which is mad.
Chris Barker:
The visual feedback is ... ? Yeah.
Beardyman:
Because it's not doing anything particularly taxing. I mean, that could just be quirk of the fact that it's kind of trying to run according to the restrictions of Midi. So maybe it wouldn't do that if I was using OSC? I'm not sure. I don't know. But Ableton didn't support OSC until recently. In fact, maybe ...? No. Maybe it still doesn't? I don't think it does.
Beardyman:
Either way ... But the thing is, is that, you can build any interface you want. And if you're smart with the coding ... Actually, if you know HTML, you can build your own interfaces just using Lemur; so that's another Get Out Of Jail Free card, infinite wishes thing.
Chris Barker:
Infinite interfaces?
Beardyman:
Infinite interface.
Beardyman:
So yeah, so potentially, if you have Lemur and an iPad, and Ableton, and Macs for Live, you could build your own instruments, and devices, and methods of controlling them, for ever and ever and ever, until you die in a bunker.
Chris Barker:
So, seeing as how we've got ... We've got the suite now, so you've got Macs for Live. So your first two choices are the iPad and the Liine software?
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
So, item number 3?
Beardyman:
Item number 3?
Chris Barker:
Are we going to have some speakers or headphones? You're going to need to hear this stuff.
Beardyman:
Oh fuck! Really?
Chris Barker:
So the rules, the rules-
Beardyman:
They don't come included?
Will Betts:
No.
Beardyman:
They don't come included?
Chris Barker:
No, the rules ...
Beardyman:
Ah Jeez! All right. Fine. Some big KRKs because they're fun.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
I find PMP ... PCP?
Will Betts:
PMC, I think it is. Yeah.
Beardyman:
PMC? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe that would be good. Big PMCs. Maybe, it would be good to just have giant PMCs. But I think KRKs have character, and when you ramp them up too loud, they kind of sound a bit sort of rubbery and distorted.
Chris Barker:
Whatever the KRKs are that Timberland has, basically?
Beardyman:
Yeah. It's the big, big fucking KRKs.
Chris Barker:
What are the flagship KRKs nowadays?
Beardyman:
I don't know.
Chris Barker:
They sell lots of the little ones, don't they?
Beardyman:
I'm not really like a ... I have Adam's A7s at home, which are woefully inadequate for mastering on. But they're really cool.
Chris Barker:
And they're really popular. V, Series 8?
Beardyman:
They are. But yeah, I'd like to get the biggest ... the bigger ones.
Will Betts:
So are we going with KRK, or are we going with PMC? What are we deciding?
Beardyman:
Maybe ... Fuck it! Giant- giant PMCs.
Chris Barker:
Giant PMCs. Yeah.
Will Betts:
Maybe, 10, or something. Like, the huge floor to ceiling ones?
Beardyman:
Yeah. Because if you wanted ... Then again, why are you bothering to master tunes if no one's ever going to hear them? Are people going to hear the tunes you make?
Chris Barker:
That's up to you. We put no restriction on release.
Beardyman:
What are the rules?
Chris Barker:
There's no rules on releasing the music!
Beardyman:
Why are you trapped in this ...? Why are you banned from ever buying any more software or hardware? Why is this happening?
Chris Barker:
Well, otherwise this would be a very long podcast, if we just listed all the gear that everybody wanted.
Beardyman:
I think, in future, you need a scenario ... I think this need to be, like, there's going to be a nuclear Armageddon, you've got inside information; that's what's happening. Everyone's dead, and no one's ever going to hear the music you make. That would drastically affect what it is you take in.
Will Betts:
What you buy? Yeah.
Chris Barker:
Can I use this audio interface as a weapon, or can it have components inside that I can melt down and create energy? Yeah.
Beardyman:
No, but, like, seriously, if you were like ... Because I'd go for some KRKs, which are sort of nice and comfortable to listen to, and sound fun and kind of exciting. Like, close range kind of stuff, if I was just noodling away to myself, if everyone else in the world had died.
Beardyman:
But if I wanted to be able to master my stuff-
Will Betts:
PMCs?
Beardyman:
PMCs. But then, again, if everyone else is still alive, but I've just been in prison. If this is solitary confinement, I've done something terrible, but ...
Chris Barker:
You're making the situation sound negative. We've gone from a beautiful house-
Beardyman:
But I'm allowed to make music?
Will Betts:
It's supposed to be the dream studio.
Beardyman:
Well, someone outside can probably master it for me. So I'll go with the KRKs.
Chris Barker:
KRKs?
Beardyman:
KRKs, okay.
Chris Barker:
Big KRKS.
Beardyman:
Big, fucking KRKS.
Chris Barker:
So we have ...
Beardyman:
(music). That's my new theme tune.
Chris Barker:
Yes!
Beardyman:
Actually, I'll do a new theme tune. (music). It's, like, yeah ... That's if you're, like, a really bad radio show.
Chris Barker:
Well, it could work.
Beardyman:
"Well, I'm Simon. And well this is ... Music Tech in the morning, with Simon and the knob!" Join the knob! Boy, he's such a knob."
Beardyman:
Right.
Will Betts:
If you're into music production, you should also check out Music Tech Magazine. In this month's issue, we round up the latest generation of exciting new gear that we're expecting this year. We talk to Coldcut and Ninja Tune founder, Matt Black, Electronic producer, Space Dimension Controller, and Norwegian DJ, Orjan Nilsen. Plus, we give our verdict on Waldorf's Kyra Synth, the Soft Tube Console 1 Fader, the AMS Neve RMX15 500 series Reverb, and Novation's new Launchpad X, and Launchpad Mini Mark 3.
Will Betts:
On top of that, we have a stack of tutorials for Cubase, Logic, Live, Studio 1, Pro Tools, and FL Studio.
Will Betts:
You'll find all that, and more, in this month's issue. Subscribe now at musictech.net.
Beardyman:
We'll move on. That was a waste of everyone's time.
Chris Barker:
Item number 4?
Beardyman:
All right.
Chris Barker:
Item number 4?
Beardyman:
Item number 4.
Chris Barker:
You're going to need a microphone, right?
Beardyman:
Oh man! Fine. How many have I got left? I've only got, like, one left after this.
Will Betts:
You've got two more left after this.
Beardyman:
Two more left?
Chris Barker:
No, three.
Beardyman:
After the mike?
Will Betts:
After the mike, you'll have two more left.
Beardyman:
Yeah. Okay, well fine. Actually, I already had a mike on here, which is the Sphere Microphone System. Which is another cheat card, because it's cheating.
Chris Barker:
It's gaming the system, hard.
Beardyman:
But it's not really hard. Yeah, the Sphere Microphone System-
Will Betts:
Townsend Labs, yeah?
Beardyman:
Yes, Townsend Labs. And it's kind of a UAD partnership thing, I think. Yeah. I actually have a similar product, which is the Slate Version of that, so Slate Digital ... Jesus, what do they even call it? I use it every day. I can't remember what it is.
Chris Barker:
VMS1?
Beardyman:
VMS1?
Will Betts:
Or, is it just VMS I think, Virtual Microphone System?
Beardyman:
Yeah, Virtual Microphone System. It's really good. It's not exactly the same as the original mikes because that would be impossible, but it sort of models the character to an extent that is useful. And it's fine if you use it well.
Chris Barker:
So when you're making tunes, depending on the tune, you'll model different mikes? Because obviously, right now, you've got, kind of, a live performance mike going on, and there's a reality to that. But when you're in the studio-
Beardyman:
It just means that, like, rather than having 25 grands' worth of vintage mikes, you can have one system that costs, I think it's, like, a grand, for the hardware.
Chris Barker:
But what's you're process is what I mean?
Beardyman:
And the software is a subscription model.
Chris Barker:
I mean, do you ...?
Beardyman:
Well, I like to be able to switch things out quickly, and I'm not fussed about it sounding exactly like ... Like, if you're recording-
Chris Barker:
But do you choose your mike model before you record, or after? Because that's the system I like-
Beardyman:
Or you can switch it out, in post. So I like to do that, so that's the thing, that's the good thing about it.
Beardyman:
But that's not even why it's good in my opinion. It's nice being able to switch up the mike that you've used, in post, by switching emulations, but it's even better to be able to audition different mikes by pressing a button. That's really cool. And if you're a serious recording engineer, and you're recording, Adele, or someone, you're not going to use this system, but-
Chris Barker:
Don't tell Steven Slater that!
Beardyman:
Well, no, I think he'd probably admit that, like, there is a difference if you're like a golden ears, super-pro ... It's probably just more than your reputation's worth, but you could probably get away with it, if you didn't tell anyone; no one would know. Like, the pro guys that I know, wouldn't be seen dead doing it, because they ... I think it would be cheating. But I know some mastering engines that use the Slate packs to do stuff, and they use that in addition to hardware.
Beardyman:
But this UAD one ... I was trying to figure out which one to buy, whether I was going to buy the Slate one or the UAD one. Because both these modelling technologies came out around a similar time, a couple of years' ago. And the UAD one was more expensive; I think it was about twice as expensive. And the modelling seemed like it didn't quite have the same kind of dimensionality as the Slate one. Like, it doesn't seem to model the response at different volumes or different frequencies ... I can't remember which one it was.
Beardyman:
But, basically, I saw this video where they kind of compared the spectral readouts from each mike, and compared them to the originals, and I think they said the Slate one came out on top in some ways. But what the Sphere system can do that nothing else can do, is it can model polar patterns, in post, which is mental. So it's got, it's like a dual capsule thing ... I have no idea how it works.
Will Betts:
It's the maths. It's the maths of how the front capsule and the back capsule combine.
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Will Betts:
That's what it is. Changing a polar pattern with a dual capsule mike, that's all that is; it's just how they are combined; as I understand it, at least. So you can do ... If you have both signals, you can combine them in such a way, after you've recorded them, that you can do exactly what you're saying.
Beardyman:
It's so crazy.
Will Betts:
It's nuts, though. It's totally nuts.
Beardyman:
I've never seen anything else that does that.
Will Betts:
So you can literally record, like we're recording right now, and then I could change the polar pattern so you're in the dead spot.
Beardyman:
That's crazy.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
And so, yeah, it's just on the phase relationships?
Will Betts:
Yeah, exactly.
Beardyman:
But that's fucking bonkers. So yeah, I would do that, because then you've got really decent models of all the best microphones, which have their different characterful sounds, which are good for different purposes. And you'd never have to swap them out, and you can emulate different polar patterns and stuff. It's so cool.
Chris Barker:
Do you perform differently when you're in front of a mike like those, rather than the handheld? Because when you're live, these kind of mikes are a part of the sound, as well?
Beardyman:
Uh ...
Chris Barker:
Or, doesn't that matter?
Beardyman:
I guess, well, yeah, you'll use the proximity effect.
Chris Barker:
So, sometimes you'll need that proximity effect ...
Beardyman:
Sorry, what?
Chris Barker:
Sometimes you'll need that proximity effect, even in the studio? You won't always use one of these model mikes?
Beardyman:
I wouldn't dream of trying to beatbox into an expensive microphone because you'd break it probably, or because you, ... I don't know, wouldn't want to get all that saliva on it. And it's not very good, yeah. You benefit from the suspension of disbelief that you get with a dynamic mike that you can sort of pop like that, and you get the ... You'll never get that sound with a ... Because the mikes are too good; the large diaphragm condensers; it'll just sound like someone beatboxing, which sounds crap. But if you actually use the proximity effect, and distort the capsule, then it's slightly more convincing.
Chris Barker:
A lot more convincing. It sounds amazing!
Beardyman:
Slightly, yeah.
Chris Barker:
Townsend Lab's Sphere is in. Two more items left. So, two more items left.
Beardyman:
Two more items left? What was it? What was it, again?
Chris Barker:
Two more studio items left.
Beardyman:
Studio items?
Chris Barker:
And then, you get one luxury item. It's shaping up very good though.
Beardyman:
Definitely, the Haken Continuum, with Kyma Synth, because it's mental.
Chris Barker:
Is that that big cloth ...?
Beardyman:
Cloth?
Will Betts:
It's a flat, red-
Beardyman:
Yes, it's a big, flat, red-
Will Betts:
... keyboard. But squidgy keyboard.
Beardyman:
... sort of giant, ribbon controlling-
Chris Barker:
Yeah. Cloth ... It feels like cloth when you're playing doesn't it? You can push that in. It's kind of like, pre-ROLI kind of idea, that expressive touch.
Beardyman:
Exactly.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
So do you have one of these already? Or have you experienced one? Tell us ...
Beardyman:
I've never played one. So yeah, this list just ended up being a bunch of things I just want to play with.
Chris Barker:
That's what the Dream Studio is.
Beardyman:
Yeah. Well, no, there's several really cool things about the Hagen Continuum, is that ... So I've played on a Seaboard, the ROLI Seaboard.
Chris Barker:
And how did you find that?
Beardyman:
I didn't like it.
Chris Barker:
Why?
Beardyman:
Because I thought it was a bit doughy to the touch, and I thought that was weird.
Chris Barker:
Doughy to the touch?
Beardyman:
Yeah. It was like, a bit ... I didn't like the experience of it.
Chris Barker:
It's a great-
Beardyman:
It's just strange, like, fleshy and odd. And you get ripples in it, if you're pushing your finger along it.
Chris Barker:
I'm really resisting making touching cloth jokes now!
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Will Betts:
You've just made the joke.
Beardyman:
You didn't resist very well.
Beardyman:
No, but it's ... I found it gross to touch. It's just something, just a visceral wrongness about it. I was, like, "Ugh." I'm passing over, like, an organ." Every key was, like, "Ugh." But it wasn't just that, because you could probably get used to to that if was musically useful. But I found that the way that the material buckles, meant that you couldn't do slides down it without getting a friction burn. So I was, like, why would you do that?
Chris Barker:
Oil your fingers?
Beardyman:
Yeah. Put olive oil on your fingers before playing it. Then you're giving like a weird back rub to the-
Chris Barker:
Massage?
Beardyman:
Not that that is the reason why you shouldn't get it. But also it's quite expensive and heavy. And also ... I think, the version I used of it was four years' ago, or five, when it first came out as a consumer thing.
Chris Barker:
Okay. Yeah. The grand, yeah?
Beardyman:
Yeah. And I think they've done a lot of work on the materials and the software since then. But also, they didn't have a kind of ... I think it's way better now, actually. Yeah, because you can ... Back then, you couldn't hit a note, and hit the note dead-on, and then move it; but I think you can now. So it's probably fine.
Chris Barker:
And they've got a range where there's lot more affordable stuff, now, as well? Yeah.
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Will Betts:
Yeah, they have the Rise, the controllers, and the small one's.
Beardyman:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe I should it another look to be honest. I know some of the guys who work there.
Chris Barker:
The Continuum though?
Beardyman:
They've got a crazy bunch of, like, these light-block things, and that. They're a really cool company and they do some really amazing stuff.
Chris Barker:
Yeah. But the Continuum was pre-that? It came-
Beardyman:
Yeah. Also, I know a guy who is involved in making the software for the Sound Engine, which is kind of this multi-dimensional synth thing, for ROLI.
Beardyman:
But the Haken Continuum, with the Kyma engine, is maybe eight or nine years' old. Maybe, older? Maybe, 10 years' old? Maybe more?
Will Betts:
It's been around a while, yeah.
Chris Barker:
It's 2002.
Beardyman:
2002? That's bonkers!
Chris Barker:
So it was way ahead of its time.
Beardyman:
That's bonkers! Yeah, because it's a physical modelling and spectral morphing based synthesiser. Which is, it's hardware, and it's massively complicated. And you can build ... Each preset is like a matrix of control, and sample manipulation, and granular ... Oh, not, is it granular? I think there is granular stuff in it as well. And there's spectral stuff, too. It's mental. And the sounds you can get out of it are unlike anything I've ever seen come out of any other synthesiser anywhere. But nobody knows about the Haken Continuum and Kyma Synth. Like, it's still the backwaters of the internet kind of thing.
Chris Barker:
And it's strange as well, because it's expensive, but it's only as expensive as other premium synths.
Beardyman:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah.
Chris Barker:
Do you know what I mean?
Beardyman:
The only person that uses it is Jordan Rudess, and the guy that makes the products, it seems. I've never seen anyone use it, ever.
Will Betts:
Amon Tobin used it on tour.
Beardyman:
Amon Tobin?
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Wicked!
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
It's just so amazing. I think people must use it for sound design. There must be a dedicated core of people who use this thing. They recently brought out a Continuum Fingerboard thing, which is like a one finger, monophonic thing. Which is a simpler mechanism, where it's just a single touch-strip with a spring under it. So it still does this kind of 3D touch thing, but it doesn't have the vertical axis.
Chris Barker:
And that's like lower in the product range, I guess?
Beardyman:
It's more affordable, but it's still quite expensive. And with that, you get the synth engine in it, as well.
Beardyman:
But if you can perform, like, a-
Chris Barker:
The ContinuuMini.
Beardyman:
The ContinuuMini? Interesting.
Beardyman:
But you can do realistic cello performances on this thing. They're really good. You can sound like a violin. And it can be indistinguishable if you play it right. It's nuts! And people who've tried to physical modelling of string instruments, and tried to get that level of expressiveness and stuff, but I've never seen anything do it as well as this Kyma.
Chris Barker:
Because that's other ... the wood controller thing, as well?
Beardyman:
Yeah, Expressive E, Touche?
Chris Barker:
Yeah. Yeah.
Will Betts:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Well, I did have that one on there as well, but I think you've taken from me, many of my infinite wishes. So-
Will Betts:
Because of the speakers and microphone?
Beardyman:
Because of the speakers and microphone. So I suppose I have to have-
Chris Barker:
So, with that in mind, we're on to your last bit of studio gear?
Beardyman:
Last bit of studio gear. Wait ... So this is the last one? Or is there another-
Chris Barker:
Well, there's a luxury item that's non-studio gear related. Something that you would love to have in the studio. But we'll get there.
Beardyman:
Can it be an musical instrument?
Chris Barker:
No.
Beardyman:
It can't?
Will Betts:
No.
Beardyman:
Really? Shit! So now I have to choose between a Yamaha VL1 and a grand piano? I don't think I could live without a grand piano, so the Yamaha VL1's got to go out the window. That's a pity. The Yamaha VL1 is nuts.
Chris Barker:
A grand piano in the Swiss ... Looking out on the Swiss-
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
... that's a nice day, isn't it?
Beardyman:
That's a beautiful vista. The Yamaha VL1, if you don't know about it, check it out. It's from 1993-
Will Betts:
Yeah, it's amazing.
Beardyman:
It's ridiculous. Ridiculous. The sounds that come out of that are ... Again, it's like physical modelling.
Chris Barker:
It was the peak of that physical modelling, before virtual instruments and all that. And before sampling got that ... Back in sort of Rompler territory, when it was just insane. It's a kind of weird maroon coloured, as well, isn't it?
Beardyman:
Yeah. It's look like a wood- wood panel. It's a beautiful looking instrument, and it makes sounds that are crazy, still, to this day. But I would give that up, "But I ... Mr. Speaker?," I'd give that up for a grand piano.
Chris Barker:
And any particular preference on the grand? Yamaha? Bosendorfer? Steinway?
Beardyman:
I think I'd go for a Yamaha. Because I find those other pianos, perfect for Beethoven, but sometimes you just want to whack out some Elton John don't you?
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
You want it to twang and ping.
Chris Barker:
Yes, exactly.
Will Betts:
And in your process then, are you ever using a grand? Oh well, any kind of piano?
Beardyman:
Yeah. In my palatial mansion home, I have a room just dedicated to my shiny white grand piano.
Chris Barker:
And you just go in there-
Beardyman:
And I have Yoko Ono sitting in the corner, and telling me what to do.
Chris Barker:
You just walk in there, in white linen, every morning?
Beardyman:
Yeah. I'm so rich, it's unbelievable. It makes me physically sick how rich I am.
Chris Barker:
Okay. Let's ... Will, do you want to rundown what we've got in the studio so far, before we get the final luxury item?
Will Betts:
Yep, okay.
Will Betts:
The location is Switzerland, in a house overlooking a glacial lake. With a bunker, obviously.
Beardyman:
Just in case.
Will Betts:
Just in case.
Will Betts:
You're running a Mac with Ableton Suite-
Beardyman:
Suite-
Will Betts:
Suite. The interface is an RME Fireface UCX, you say?
Beardyman:
UFX.
Will Betts:
UFX.
Beardyman:
Although, all I've got at the moment to plug into it is a single microphone, so I might as well just go for a UCX. Yeah.
Will Betts:
Okay. UCX. Done. Done.
Will Betts:
Then, your first gear pick was the iPad. Second, Liine's Lemar App, so you can build your own interfaces. Thirdly, huge KRKs for fun times.
Beardyman:
Fun times.
Will Betts:
The Townsend Lab's Sphere L22. The Haken Continuum. And a Yamaha grand piano.
Beardyman:
Bang!
Chris Barker:
So that's pretty good. That's nice.
Beardyman:
It's a cool ... It's unusual, but it's pretty cool. You could have the Haken Continuum Fingerboard thing on top of the piano. And then, the microphone in front of you. And then, this beautiful vista, of a glacial lake. I could live there.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
Just put a bed in the corner. A bed, that would be my luxury item.
Chris Barker:
There we go!
Beardyman:
Just a hammock.
Chris Barker:
A hammock?
Beardyman:
Maybe, a bucket to use a toilet! Do you know what I mean?
Chris Barker:
I think we're going to say that you've got, like-
Beardyman:
Basic sanitation?
Chris Barker:
This isn't a prison.
Will Betts:
We've made it the nightmare studio.
Chris Barker:
So, honestly, luxury item, you would go for some kind of luxurious bed? Nothing else that you ... Is there anything that you'd take-
Beardyman:
Well, there's an old army saying, which is, "Spend out on your shoes and your bed, because you're always going to be in one of them." So, make sure you've got comfy shoes and a nice eiderdown, and you're all right.
Chris Barker:
So, a bed? It just seems like-
Beardyman:
I feel like-
Chris Barker:
Is is time for us to upsell somebody's dreams?
Will Betts:
We've got to upsell the dream, yeah.
Beardyman:
Upsell the dreams.
Will Betts:
You're allowed a bed.
Beardyman:
You have a bed already?
Will Betts:
You've got a bed.
Beardyman:
So you don't sleep on the floor of the studio!
Beardyman:
What about a hydroponics lab? Is that allowed?
Chris Barker:
You're just constantly looking for end of the world scenarios.
Beardyman:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
We're trying to build this Dream Studio, and you're like, "Yeah, but what if the world ends? What if there's a zombie apocalypse?"
Beardyman:
I can grow my tomatoes!
Will Betts:
For tomatoes?
Beardyman:
Yes.
Will Betts:
Great. Tomatoes!
Chris Barker:
Is there nothing in your studio now, your craved space, like ... We're just trying to get into, it's like, of how you like your space? So previous guests have had, like, there's a painting that, whether-
Beardyman:
Or colour changing lights to adapt to your vibe? No. Because I'd get so fussy about what colour was right for this one lyric I'm about to try and record, that I think it would ... No. Maybe, that's quite cool actually. Maybe, that would be a cool thing to do; a colour changing studio. Why not?
Chris Barker:
A colour changing studio.
Beardyman:
Yeah. Maybe, a projection mapping curve.
Chris Barker:
We're going to commit something-
Beardyman:
Something projecting.
Chris Barker:
We're going to commit something, and I don't want you to regret ... I don't want you to walk out of here, and go, "It was so nice, until I got that weird light." Or ...
Beardyman:
I doubt I'll regret the decision because, thankfully, none of this is real!
Chris Barker:
What?
Beardyman:
So I'm going to go with-
Chris Barker:
Are we wasting our time here? What ...?
Beardyman:
I mean, you could make it real, by giving someone actual, real-
Chris Barker:
We've people building this right now.
Beardyman:
... real money, and give Trump a call. And be, like, "Hello. It's Kim Jong-un. We're doing it." And then, this would be some real- ...
Beardyman:
But no. Colour changing lights. Why not?
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Beardyman:
If it's got to be studio-based.
Will Betts:
Can I upsell you on your projection mapping kit? Because that sounded quite cool.
Chris Barker:
Yeah. Projection mapping. Yeah, that would be nice, actually.
Beardyman:
But it would be only for your own amusement.
Chris Barker:
Yeah, that's fine.
Beardyman:
Are other people ever allowed to visit?
Chris Barker:
Yes.
Will Betts:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to do it on your own.
Chris Barker:
You've got your friends and family.
Beardyman:
He thinks this is a Doomsday scenario, and you're just living this solipsistic lifestyle, and no-one's allowed in.
Chris Barker:
You just keep going back to this, like, we've created this awful world for you.
Beardyman:
Well, if other people are allowed in, then a 70s-style, leopard print, revolving waterbed, I think, would be ...
Chris Barker:
There you go! Now, it's a Doomsday scenario for somebody else!
Beardyman:
I think we'll leave it there.
Chris Barker:
Yeah.
Chris Barker:
So, Beardyman, can you please play us out with some 70s Doomsday scenario? And we'll ... (plays music).
Beardyman:
"Apple. Dear Apple, your support structure is not designed for Pro users, please amend. Please amend ..." (music).
Beardyman:
Oh shut up! All right thank you. I'm on tour in the U.K., come see me at my shows. I won't play that song, I promise.
Chris Barker:
Thank you so much.
Will Betts:
You did really well.
Chris Barker:
That was incredible! Thank you so much.
Beardyman:
This was a lot of fun.
Will Betts:
If you're enjoying the podcast, make sure you subscribe, using your favourite podcasting app. And also think about rating and reviewing, MusicText, My Forever Studio.
Will Betts:
Don't forget to check back every Thursday for new episodes.
Will Betts:
Thanks for listening.